Tag Archives: recipes

#73 Julia Roberts!

22 Feb

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Julia Roberts. We’ve all seen her. Not many have had a go though. The “tart with a heart” of Pretty Woman fame, the “whore with a core”. Not like that in real life. A delightful young lady, Ms Roberts today offers us an unhindered view into the world of celebrity food! Indeed, Julia managed to wangle this recipe from her co-star of Notting Hill…yes! Huge Grunt! Hugh, a 7th generation cockney from the ‘Old East End’ of London, England, in the United Kingdom of Emirates apparently let slip during filming the details of this old family recipe handed down by his grandmother to which he had added some of his own subtle, bumbling panache!

Roberts’ Gobfest

full-english.jpeg You will need: a pan, a tomato, 5 slices of bacon, 2-7 eggs, a cumberland sausage, a tin of baked beans, some magic mushrooms, a black pudding, hash browns (optional) and some bread (to toast) , lard.

1:  Add roughly half a kilo of lard to the pan.

2: Turn the gas to “high”.

3: Eventually the lard will go “on fire”. This is the time to add all ingredients, quickly!

4: Stir for an hour, or if you prefer well done, an hour and a quarter.

5: Get the toast out that I should have mentioned earlier!

6: Pour the pan onto toast and serve!

You are now ready to eat as an old tart might on the streets of Notting Hill, England! (This meal is particularly romantic and would suit 2 or more)

Next week, David Hasselhof shows us how to gut and cook a pig with a David Bowie knife!

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#57:Dirk ‘Faceman’ Benedict.

20 Feb
fc.jpg This week legendary ladies man bon viveur and professional shenanigeniser Dirk Benedict shares with us a traditional recipe from the family vault. Mr B, a convivial host, tells us that this particular recipe is a variation of one handed down to him by his grandmother that he has refined with his own subtle style and panache. You will need a pan, lard and some eggs.

Eggs Dirk.

1) Place roughly half a kilo of lard into pan; turn the gas knob all the way to the big flame picture.
2) When the lard ‘goes on fire’ gently add 2 to 8 eggs, taking care to remove the hard outer “shell”.
3) By now you should be, almost literally, ‘frying’ those eggs!
4) Remove eggs and serve, perhaps on some bread or a plate. The choice is yours!
5) Enjoy your delicious “meal”!
It’s hard to believe isn’t it? Even you can experience eggs the way ‘Benedict’ intended! Don’t get carried away though… you don’t want to end up with egg on your “Face”, man!
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Next week, Nigel Havers shows us how to kill and cook fish-fingers the halal way.